We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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