Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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