naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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