he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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