Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
