1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dual....:-)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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