How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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