I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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