Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
