You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
