Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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