standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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