when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
