New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
