After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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