Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
