I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
