i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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