I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You're like the curious george of whores
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
