that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
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