Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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