my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
