I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
