Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
