he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
