If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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