OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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