It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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