I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
