You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
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Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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