Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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