I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize