Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
