I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
