chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
