They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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