i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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