you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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