p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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