went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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