If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
