it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
