1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
