Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So much Jack, so little girl.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
