Where is the hickey?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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