jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
