hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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