So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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