you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
