i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
