so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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