your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
