i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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