you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
