so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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