We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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