Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
