Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
