Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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