Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
