'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
