I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
