it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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