I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?