ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head