I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.