I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
