I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
